Finally I reach Ambala. Happy and overwhelmed with emotions I hug my mom and cry out. We all knew it was a tough decision to come home to my family leaving my husband. I was in a broken state and now I needed to continue my journey of healing. Shattered and broken I continued to settle myself in the big beautiful bungalow. Our house was located in a beautiful and peaceful place. My dad loves gardening and he would enjoy planting vegetables, etc. Slowly I started off into a routine of involving myself in whatever light household chores that I could do. This involved helping mom in the kitchen, teaching my niece, walking till the park with her, etc. It was tough however with the support of my family and miracles of my destiny I started to recover, maintain a healthy weight and enjoy my evenings at the park.
Now it is at this place that I met the man who helped me set myself free of the long intuitive voice that I had since my childhood troublesome days. It always said ‘there is something more to your diagnosis which is invisible to the docs yet’.
So my mom and dad suggested that their observance tells them I am having a relapse of depression and that it’s time to meet a Psychiatrist. I was hesitant. I didn’t like shrinks. The ones I met would always be super busy and just ready to jot down some pills for you than listening to your experiences nor exhibit empathy. It took me a while and my family gave me the time. After few weeks I was ready to meet my shrink.
So around October 2016 I went to a psychiatrists clinic. I am waiting there for my turn to arrive, sweating, panicked of how it would be, what would the questions be, etc. Soon my impatient wait came to a stop when I was asked to meet the doc. I was nervous, politely asked him ‘May I come in? May I sit?’
I sat with minimal eye contact. I noticed he wore specs, smart choice of shirt and pen. I noticed the desk super clean not cluttered. Well he looked at me and asked to explain about myself. I thought ‘hey, that’s easy.’ So I began from phase 1 of my life to phase 6. It gave him an idea about my life, my likes and dislikes.
Well let me pause here, you all might be wondering why so much in details. Well in case someone plans to go see a shrink they must know how it feels or how the conversation goes about. Hope this helps whoever is in need out there. You are not alone.
So I observed him observing my behaviour while I was observing his. You see, psychology background does that to someone I guess or else it could just be inbuilt. What I liked about him is that he was a patient listener, empathetic , intelligent(oh my the great big words he would use, I always had them flying past me) hehehehe………and also he was caring. Well he brilliantly put it up to me and my mom that I have borderline personality traits and that depression and anxiety is a part of it. Well of course I felt bad but I felt a sudden rush of peace. My intuitive voice said ‘yes, see I was telling you there was something more to all this’.
So that session ended off well and I promised myself that I will continue with this psychiatrist. He made me feel comfortable being weirdly-wired. My irrational decisions, lost in thought, black and white thinking, mood fluctuations, etc. all was explained.
My next blogs will contain how I battled and continue to battle with this issue. I will also talk about the DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) self-help book by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood and Jeffrey Brantley. This is the therapy book that I am currently using. It is a good one.
So I thank God and my stars for giving me an adorable and intelligent psychiatrist at Ambala. I thank him for diagnosing me and make my soul feel at peace. He continues to help me fight my battle bravely. Thank you doc. Stay blessed and adorable just the way you are.
Few pics of Ambala garden, dads hardwork.
Thank you folks, for your patience.