Thank you for your time and patience in reading my articles so far. By May 30th I had my lovely nieces come over for their vacations. It was an adorable time. Although it does get me stressed with the constant reminder …hey , you don’t have kids of your own…bleh bleh bleh. Well I tried to keep those thoughts aside and enjoyed the most with them. I will share some pics of our fun time.
Now the month of June was crazy for me. I did something I ain’t proud of but yes it did give me a clarity of where my life is heading. So, it’s about my marriage being on the rocks. My personality is not carved for marriage. Being physically and mentally fit to handle all the stress that comes along with it, is not my cup of tea. So there had been moments when I would feel lonely but I didn’t want to call nor spend time with my husband. All this started few months back. It was a signal that I have fallen out of love for him and I should have called it quits back then but nope I went on giving it a chance, thinking it may work out. Then finally came the moment when I was lonely and wanted to speak with someone but not my husband. I was sloshed and I wondered why should I stop myself from calling someone else? For a guy who doesn’t want to commit to living together, sharing responsibilities together, who doesn’t wanna have kids with me? What for?, no this is not what I signed up for……..chuck it. I am going ahead and calling. So I drunk dialed. Usually my friend is busy and doesn’t answer but that night he did. Well I was happy to talk to him, we spoke for long and I did not feel wrong at all. All I knew I was happy. The call ended and the next morning he sends me a text saying this isn’t fair to your husband. He regretted what happened and asked me not to call back nor text him anymore. Well crazy me didn’t stop there . I liked him and wanted to keep in touch with him so I would text about the normal day routine ,etc. But soon I had to stop because it made him super angry. Well if you are wondering….. did she tell about all this to her husband?………yes I did. I felt he deserved to know the truth. I told him . He was hurt but not surprised because of the way things were between us. We argued, talked about it for long….fought, felt bad, hurt, etc. Since then it’s been a month we don’t meet up like before. It’s just text over WhatsApp and chat over the phone. I doubt that will go too far.
I was wrong . When I knew I was falling out of this marriage in spite of giving it another chance, I should have told him to stop meeting me and call it quits than drunk dialing. I landed up hurting two souls. My husband didn’t deserve to get cheated upon this way. What did that friend of mine do to deserve such a regretful experience? Didn’t I spoil it all because of my impulsiveness. ? Impulsivity, a whole different topic and pages can be written on how I have been impulsive since childhood. It’s how my personality is sketched. Yes, I do hate myself for what I did but there is a part of me that says “hey, you tried….didn’t work out so you moved on.” but that doesn’t give me the right to break hearts. I should have silently walked out. But alas, I could not. Well, everything has come to an end now.
So true love and marriage is not my cup of tea. But dear readers, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist for others. It does. Marriage will have it’s ups and downs . As a team if you both stand up through thick and thin, then you will feel emotionally bonded. Go out for those long postponed dinner dates…take out time to nurture your relationship because that is the main foundation holding it all up. Have comfortable communications. Stay together and share responsibilities. Feel like a team. Forgive each other just like any friends would do. Have children or don’t have children. That’s your decision but make sure it’s a combined one or else you are just building up steam. If you can’t come to a conclusion have something else to take care of……….taking care of something together be it a house, a business , a loving dog or cat, a garden, a farm etc binds the team together. Also, giving each other respectful space is important. If you feel marriage is on the rocks then try out a marriage counselor.
However, in spite of all trial and error and last resort, if it ain’t working out for you and it is ruining your peace of mind then kindly speak openly to your partner and call it off . Don’t land up drunk dialing, like me.
So I have been doodling during this stressful period. I will post those pics too. Please do see them and feel free to comment and share your opinion. Thanking you with all my heart.